


Anabasis

by SoftButchCassidy



Series: Aurora and Mikris (and friends!) [2]
Category: Destiny (Video Games)
Genre: Developing Relationship, Fluff and Angst, Is there a term for reluctant 'taking on assistant' to lovers, M/M, Nonbinary Character, One-sided pining, Origin Story, Vexo Titan!
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-28
Updated: 2019-09-28
Packaged: 2020-10-29 15:30:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,780
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20798903
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SoftButchCassidy/pseuds/SoftButchCassidy
Summary: A Ghost finds her Guardian... or rather, Guardians. It's wrong, this shouldn't happen--but it's too late now. It's done. The Guardian is one and many. But to the Guardian, that doesn't matter.





	Anabasis

**Author's Note:**

> xen! xen! xen!!!!!!!!! they are gonna be my new in-game titan after shadowkeep!!!! i lov them

That was her Guardian.

The Ghost called herself Halley, and she had been looking for her Guardian for centuries.

Finally, finally, she had found them. 

And she would never know them.

Halley stared down in horror at the metal chassis half-submerged in a pond of radiolaria. She could feel the hum of Light from the exo’s long-dead body, but she couldn’t resurrect them, not without instantly subjecting them to an excruciating and doomed existence. 

She couldn’t do that. 

Halley would spend the rest of her existence alone. 

Maybe it would be best for her to plunge into the pond beside her Guardian and know them in another world. She wished she could cry as she scanned the body again, again, putting to her memory banks every single molecule. 

But then, something happened. 

The walls shook. 

Halley looked up and around, fearful now. Had the Vex discovered her?

There were a few seconds of silence before she detected something coming in her general direction. Something big, and moving very fast. Moving at terminal velocity.

Halley zoomed away in terror, just in time. 

A Warsat crashed into the ancient building and plunged into the pond of radiolaria in the basement. The radiolaria bubbled and hissed, sparks flying from every direction. The exo was flung out from the force of the crash, slamming into a wall and collapsing in a broken metal pile a few feet away, where dead Vex parts had built up.They were likely dead from the fireteam that had passed through here a few weeks ago.

Halley couldn’t dare hope… could she? 

The building creaked and debris started to crumble away from the Warsat’s destructive entrance. 

It was now or never. Halley prayed to the Traveler that her Guardian wouldn’t be suffering. She let Light fill her and split apart her shell to flow into the exo.

She needed to fix them first, repair their body. She needed to be fast, but she couldn’t repair this much damage quick enough.

She steeled herself and fused Vex limbs into place. She would replace them later, it was fine, she knew she could do it, it was just metal. 

The exo gasped and optics flickered on. 

“Guardian!” she exclaimed. “Oh, thank the Traveler you’re okay!”

Her Guardian looked confused, jerking awkwardly upright. Halley pulled her shell back into place. “I’m sorry, I’ll explain in a minute, but we have to go! The building is about to collapse!”

The exo looked up, confusion turning to alarm. They jumped upright and stumbled a bit. 

Halley zoomed for the Warsat. “Jump here! You can climb out this way! Hurry!”

The exo took a running leap forward and landed on the Warsat. The Warsat sank down a little more, and there were cracking sounds from beneath the floor.

The bubbling radiolaria churned… and started to rise. 

Halley was panicking. “Quickly! Here, over here!” She bobbed above a ledge. It would be a rough climb, but it was the fastest way out. 

The exo kicked off the Warsat for the ledge. Their fingers scrabbled for it.

They started to slip.

Halley gasped in fear as their foot slid down into the radiolaria. 

They grunted and hauled themself up.

The radiolaria dripped harmlessly off.

She couldn’t focus on it now. The building was swaying, broken pieces tumbling down faster. She followed her Guardian up until they reached a hole in the wall.

“Run!” she exclaimed.

The exo climbed out and took off across the expanse of red sand with her zooming after.

There was a loud crunching of metal, and both of them whirled to watch the building crumble and collapse. The ground shook violently as the building toppled to its side with a cloud of ochre dust spraying out. 

Halley shook the sand from her shell as the dust settled. 

Her Guardian looked from the broken building down to their hands. 

“Sorry,” she said softly. “I was trying to work quickly. You were missing parts, so I had to put enough parts on you to help you get out of there. I’m a Ghost. The Traveler made me to be your companion. I brought you back to life, and I can do that again for you whenever you die. Now that we’re safe, we can find somewhere to hide for a while and I can work on replacing all those Vex parts.”

Her Guardian flexed their four-fingered hand and finally spoke. “We… are confused.”

Halley blinked her eye. “Sorry?”

“We don’t understand… we were dead?” They angled their head at her. “And now we’re not. We don’t remember anything.”

“We?”

“We… me?” they frowned. “Yes. I… don’t remember.”

“You won’t. That’s something I can’t help with.”

“What are we supposed to do?”

“Protect the Light. You’re a Guardian.”

“A Guardian…” They looked thoughtful. “Where are we?”

“We’re on Mars.”

They nodded. “This planet is important.”

“Yes…?”

“There’s a reason…” They frowned. “Don’t remember.”

“We should find somewhere safe,” Halley said gently. “I can fix the Vex parts.”

They stretched their hand out. “Is it bad?”

“Well, it’s… no, not technically, I suppose. But… do you like it?” 

They shrugged. “It’s fine. It works.”

“Do you… know what the Vex are?”

“Yep.”

Halley scanned them again, slowly, carefully. Horror dawned on her and she drew back. “Oh, no… Guardian… oh no, I’m so sorry…”

“What?” They looked down at themself, worried. 

“I… I found you in that flooded room, but I thought when you got knocked out of the radiolaria… but… there’s… still radiolaria… in you. Oh no. I might have killed you before you could even live, oh, I’m so sorry!”

They angled their head a little and frowned. “We don’t feel anything. Vex convert things, but we’re not getting converted. Huh. It’s here. The Vex.” They tapped their chest. “We can feel it. That’s weird. Is this weird?”

“You keep saying ‘we’, what do you mean?”

“I. Me.” They made an annoyed sound. It sounded warped. Vex-like. “It just feels more natural that way. We, I, am… not… me? What?” They shook their head. “Think we--I need a minute.”

It took a few minutes to find a secluded, safe building. The Guardian sank to the floor against the wall and sighed heavily. Halley hovered near them. 

“Are you sure it isn’t hurting you?” she asked softly in worry.

They shook their head. “We… I think it’s… also me,” they said. “Can you scan it again? We know the Vex are connected to the Collective, but we aren’t. I… am not… We aren’t me, but we are?”

“I don’t understand.” Halley scanned them again, though, focusing hard on that pocket of radiolaria in their chest. “I… whoa. What?”

“What is it?”

She looked at her Guardian. “I was so panicked trying to resurrect you that I brought dead radiolarian cells with you,” she said. Her voice trembled. She’d messed up.

“Oh.” Her Guardian looked at their chest. They shrugged. “Well, that explains it. Okay.”

“What? Okay? I… I had one chance at this, and I ruined it! I did this to you, I’m so sorry--”

“It’s fine,” they said, reaching out for her. “Really. We’re not hooked up to the Collective. We don’t have any, like, ‘turn the universe into the final shape without Light and Dark’ thing. Without that connection, the Vex don’t have a purpose, but… we’re a Guardian. So… whoever we were, I was… that’s who I am, who we are. We’re… our own Collective?”

“Are you… multiple… I don’t understand.”

“Yeah, neither do we, Ghost.” They shrugged. “Yes and no? We’re trying to figure it out, too. Like we got… melted together. So. We’re one Guardian. Just… a lot of teeny micro-Guardian cells floating inside our body, too. It just feels right to say ‘we’, but we’re still just one person.” They hesitated a long moment. “It really is okay. We want to be the best Guardian we can be, Vex-y or not. Once we learn how to… be a Guardian.”

She felt a little spark of hope. “I should find a way to take you home. To the City. It’s where everyone who’s left after the Collapse lives now.”

“The Collapse?”

“The world ended,” she said. “And the Traveler made us Ghosts to find Guardians. You can use the Light as a weapon against the Darkness. You just need training. Also a name.”

“Oh. A name is a good idea.” They chuckled. “Do you have a name?”

“Halley.”

“Cute.” They grinned at her. “Like the comet?”

“Yes, exactly.” She bobbed in the air. “That’s where I came up with it!”

“We’ll need to think about it. Don’t remember our old one.”

“Well, let’s sit here and rest for a little bit. I’ll scan for a ship or any nearby Guardians who could give us a ride home.”

  
  


**

“So this is Io?” 

“It is,” Halley said. She sounded amused. 

Xenophon shivered a little as they transmatted out to the ground. They could feel a lot of things here. Light, Dark, Vex. “Pretty planet.”

“It’s a moon,” corrected a curt, irritated voice through the comms. “Not a planet. Are you that Titan Ikora wanted to speak with me?”

“Yep,” they replied. “You’re Asher Mir?”

“Who else would it be?”

Xen chuckled. “Alright. Well. We’ve got your coordinates. We’ll be there soon.”

“Don’t waste my time,” Asher said flatly before cutting the connection.

“He seems… nice?” Halley said.

Xen laughed now. They summoned their Sparrow and flew across the fossil-rich moon toward the marker on their display. They itched in their wires, the uncomfortable sensation of Vex setting them on edge. 

They ignored it, as they always did. 

Io was still pretty. 

They could hear the Warlock shouting into his comm before they even saw him. 

“... do you mean, you lost it?!” Asher was yelling. He was a tall, slender Awoken, standing over a field computer of some kind. He looked exhausted and irritated. “You’d better find it, or I’ll--” Asher stopped and looked up at the approaching Sparrow. “Never mind. Find it and get back to me.”

Xen slowed to a stop and jumped off. They sauntered toward him.

Asher was grumbling at his computer. As Xen came closer, he looked up.

Asher jerked back with his eyes going wide. 

Xen winced. “Uh… hello. Ikora didn’t tell you, did she?”

“What… what is…” Asher stared at them incredulously. 

Xen sighed and shook their head. “Oof. Yeah. Okay, science guy, go nuts.”

Asher’s jaw tightened and his arm twitched.

Xen blinked. Their brow plate drew down. Asher’s arm was Vex. 

They flicked their tail with unease and shifted their weight. They could feel it now. That odd little twinge of connection, muffled and broken, but there all the same.

“Are you… like us?” Xen asked. “You’re part Vex, too?”

Asher immediately bristled. But it wasn’t just offense and anger. Xen could see--could feel--fear, too. “What? No! I--” He huffed. “I was the victim of Vex experiments. Okay? How are you-- what is-- you’re--”

Xen sighed and shrugged. “We weren’t converted. We’re… literally half Vex. Like, resurrected radiolaria.” They tapped their chest, above the pocket of their radiolaria. 

Asher’s eyes went wide. “What? Impossible.”

Xen shrugged again. “Don’t know what to tell you, man. You wanna run tests or whatever?”

Asher stared at them for a long couple of seconds, almost uncomfortably so. He shook his head in disbelief. “I don’t understand. The Vex don’t… they… you…”

“Yeah.” Xen crossed their arms and shook their head. “We know. We’re an utter anomaly. But we’ve got no connection to the Collective. There’s memories of it, and we can…” They hesitated, grimaced, but went on. “We can sense it. This… call. From the Vex. It’s weird and creepy. But we don’t tap into it at all. We can’t even actually convert stuff, either.”

“We?”

Xen grimaced. “Ugh, yes. We, rather than I, ‘cause, again, the whole ‘being a bunch of consciousnessnes mashed into one’ thing. It’s a weird thing, takes some time for other people to get used to, but it makes us feel more comfortable.”

Asher looked utterly baffled, in an irate sort of way. “I… I just can’t understand. This isn’t how the Vex do anything, I…”

“Yeah, if they’re alive.” Xen gestured again at their chest. “Our Ghost rezzed us alongside dead radiolarian cells. It’s as much ‘me’ as the exo part. It’s not, like, an exo mind and a Vex mind fighting, it’s just… all together. And all Guardian.”

“And a Titan at that,” Asher grumbled.

Xen frowned. “Something wrong with Titans?”

He scoffed. “Titans are impossible to work with! Brash and unthinking! Walking headaches!”

Xen snorted. “Well, we’ll try not to get in your hair, or anything.”

Asher glowered at them.

They raised their hands with an innocent smile. “Really! We’re not here to be a nuisance! We’re here to help. And get an expert opinion on the whole Vex thing.”

Asher narrowed his eyes, studying them for several long seconds, before huffing. “Fine.” He scrambled at his computer, Goblin arm twitching erratically. “I’ll start with some field readings. Go kill things and have your Ghost send me information about it.”

Xen blinked in confusion.

Asher waved his hand. “Go! I don’t care what you kill, or how! Just do that so I can get a baseline overview of your combat abilities compared to that of other Titans.”

Xen shrugged. “Okie dokie.”

Asher was still grumbling as Xen sauntered off.

**

Xen spent weeks on Io. 

Asher was invested, reluctant as he was to admit it, but Xen could tell. With each new discovery of their abilities, Asher’s eyes lit up with an intense interest, and he would fling more tests at Xen. Xen was happy to do whatever he asked, and happy to see the bitter scowl vanish from the Gensym Scribe, if only for a moment.

Asher got increasingly irate when Xen threw themself into fights without thinking. Xen was getting used to hearing his frustration over comms as they punched Minotaurs twice their size.

But then Asher said something that really caught their attention.

They jumped back up to their feet after getting slammed into a wall. “Ouch,” they grumbled. “Thanks, Halley.”

She chimed brightly and vanished.

“Will you stop this ridiculousness already?” Asher complained. “I asked you to get a reading of the conflux in that are, not pick a fight!”

Xen raised their rifle and started firing at the Minotaur. “Yeah, but it was in the way.”

“They don’t even attack you!”

“But the loot!”

Asher grunted in annoyance. “How can someone so intelligent be so idiotic?”

Xen froze. 

The Minotaur jumping forward into their face had them backpedalling. They lashed out with their hammer, the Vex shattered into molten metal. 

“How can… what?”

Asher was quiet for a second. “What?”

“Aw, did you call us smart?”

Asher was bristling. “No!”

“You did!” Xen snickered. “Well, thanks. You’re real smart, too.”

Asher grumbled unintelligibly.

Xen took things a little slower after that. Part of it was curiosity. If they were more amicable to Asher’s plans, how would he react? 

The answer was: positively. Sort of.

He stopped yelling as much in anger, and every now and then, Xen would hear a half-hearted “thank you” or “I suppose that was adequate work.” They were curious to see if they could win him over.

Asher seemed so… lonely. So sad. He seemed… afraid.

Xen understood why. 

They landed from transmat, preparing to go find the Scribe and ask what he wanted from them that day. But Asher was nowhere to be found.

Xen frowned and held out their hand for Halley. “Where is he?” they asked.

Halley twitched her shell. “He’s still in his barracks.”

“That’s… not like him.” Xen looked worried toward the tiny shack acting as Asher’s base of operations. “Should we go see if he’s okay?”

“He’ll probably be mad…”

“But if he needs help…” Xen’s tail flicked anxiously. They headed cautiously toward the barracks.

Just before they could knock, they heard a sound inside. 

A choked curse. 

They paused.

“It’s all in your head,” Asher was hissing. He sounded… agonized. “It’s not real, you’re making it up.” 

Xen twitched, a jolt going through their radiolaria. They could feel Asher, the radiolarian conversion, on the other side of the wall. 

There was a metallic thud. Asher cursed again.

Xen knocked hesitantly.

There was a louder clatter. “What? Who is it?” Asher barked. He was going for intimidating and sounded panicked. 

“It’s Xen.”

“Leave!”

“Are you okay?”

“I’m fine!”

Xen took a breath. “You’re not,” they said softer. “Ash, we can tell. You know that.”

Asher was silent for a moment. There was a rustle, and then finally, the door creaked open a crack. Tired blue eyes glared at them. “What do you want?”

“We couldn’t find you when we got here, and we got worried,” they said gently. “And… we heard you talking, a second ago… it’s… getting worse, isn’t it?”

Asher’s jaw tightened. He slowly let the door open further. His robes were thrown on hastily, and there was a mug of tea on the floor behind him.

Xen felt their own fingers twitch. “You… lost control of it.”

Asher glared down at the mug. He nodded.

“We’re sorry,” Xen murmured. “You don’t deserve this, Asher. It’s not fair.”

Asher scowled. “Of course it isn’t! No one deserves anything like this!”

“How can we help?” they blurted.

“Help?”

“Anything. Any way at all. Research, or materials, or moving stuff for you, or more in-depth analysis of the Vex and their conversion-- maybe we can help stop it. Or slow it, or something--”

“Why?”

Xen blinked. “What? What do you mean, why? You’re in pain.”

Asher stared dully at them. “Why do you care?”

Xen flexed their hand and shook their head. “Because we know how it is. We’re not being converted, but we know how it works. And you’re suffering. It’s not fair. You’re our friend--”

“I don’t have friends.”

Xen scoffed at that. “That’s bullshit and you know it, Asher Mir.”

Asher was apparently startled.

Xen crossed their arms and glared at him. “We’ve known you for weeks now. We’ve got a connection that no other Guardians could possibly understand.” They softened. “Please, Asher. Don’t just shove us away, too, okay? We can help you better than anyone else could. And… yeah, we get it. Ha-ha, big dumb idiot Titan. Not every problem can be solved by punching it. We know that already. But… hell, at least we get it, y’know?”

Asher was staring wide-eyed as they barreled on.

“We know how it feels. Being… not really… what you’re supposed to be. The way they can’t talk but you still know… and feeling them…” Xen’s crossed arms turned into more of a protective grasp of their biceps. “That otherness of your brain. The instincts, sometimes. The stares, the whispers, the distrust… we get it.”

Asher glanced down, then away. He stepped back. “You… can come in,” he said, voice unusually soft.

Xen went inside after him.

Asher picked up the mug and set it on a table. He stared at it for a few seconds before sighing. “I’m going to die,” he said flatly.

Xen straightened in alarm. “No, you can’t,” they protested.

Asher held up his hand and gave them a pained look. “You know as well as I do. There’s no way to stop conversion once it starts. Even the Light can’t stop it. I don’t know when it will happen, how long it will take… but I am going to die because of this.”

“We’ll find a way,” Xen insisted. “We can do it, we’re half Vex, there’s gotta be a way!”

Asher shook his head. “Don’t. No.” He gripped the table in his metal fingers. “This is why I don’t want friends.”

Xen stepped closer. “You… you’re scared… you don’t want to hurt people.”

Asher’s eyes shimmered. He squeezed his eyes closed and cursed softly. He reached for his shoulder. “Whatever time I have left, I don’t want to waste it by giving anyone any hope. I don’t want to die leaving people to miss me and mourn me. I don’t want to die a slow, painful death with people knowing that it’s happening.”

“People already care about you, Ash,” Xen murmured. “Why would you want to spend the rest of your time alone and miserable?”

“I don’t want anyone else to--”

“No, not--not other people. You, Asher, c’mon. You deserve friends and love just as much as anyone else and you know it. Any one of us could die anytime. The entire solar system is engulfed in war. You don’t have to be alone. You don’t have to push people away.”

Asher dug his fingers into his arm, nearly doubling over.

Xen reached forward, but hesitated before touching him.

“I’m afraid,” Asher admitted in a burst. He looked up, and every feature on his face read as angry terror. “I don’t want to die. I don’t want to sit here while the Vex conversion turns every cell of my body into metal and radiolaria. It’s already a struggle to breathe sometimes. I’m terrified of dying, and I don’t know if my Ghost even can resurrect me anymore. I’m scared of using my Light anymore. I can’t sleep at night without having nightmares, sleep paralysis. I don’t want to die alone and in pain and--”

He cut off with a choked sob. 

Xen didn’t hesitate now. Asher stiffened, but then nearly melted into their embrace.

“We’re here for you,” they said softly. “Promise, Ash. You’re not alone. We’re with you. If we can do anything… even if we can make it stop hurting…”

“You are the most idiotic person I’ve ever met,” Asher mumbled, nearly deliriously. “I’m a dying man, and you still actually want to… spend time with me?”

Xen let their Light flare up a little to warm him further. “Yeah. ‘Course we do.”

“Me, a grouchy, dying Warlock who’s done nothing but insult you for weeks…”

“Oh, shut up, you didn’t mean any of them.”

Asher huffed.

Xen rubbed their fingers against his back. “You’re not an asshole. You act like one ‘cause you’re scared. But you’re really not. You just want what’s best for everyone. You’re one of the bravest Guardians we’ve ever met. And it’s actually really nice talking to you, ‘cause you get it. You understand us more than anyone else ever has.”

Asher was quiet.

So was Xen.

There was a lot unsaid in that quiet.

“Ash…?”

Asher’s fingers twitched.

Xen took a breath, and then a leap.

Asher’s lips were cold like void and pulled them in like gravity.

**Author's Note:**

> find me on tumblr @lesbianeliksni


End file.
